Oh, alfredo sauce… Creamy, salty goodness… Warm, gooey, and satisfying when added and mixed with your favorite pasta…
Of course, ten minutes after dinner, the heavenly bliss concludes, and the intestinal problems begin.
Gas… bloating… cramping…
Uncomfortable belches that taste like cheese…
It’s probably been seven or eight years since I’ve eaten a dairy-based cream sauce. Even when I ate dairy on a regular basis, any sort of alfredo, cream, or cheese sauce would typically put me in a food coma for at least twelve hours after consumption.
I still have nightmares about an entrée called ‘Lobster Brandoni’ at a now defunct restaurant in Bar Harbor that I frequented for years, which consisted of a giant bowl of fettucine noodles mixed with a heavy cream/white wine sauce, topped off with giant chunks of lobster tail. Without fail, I’d eat the entire damn bowl, and then finish off the evening with a plate of blueberry pie topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. The coma would commence long before the pie was gone, but I felt compelled to shovel every last bit into my mouth.
Upon exiting the restaurant, pain and suffering would be well underway, as I stumbled back to the car or hotel with what felt like a giant, toxic comet lodged within my tortured belly. The only saving grace in such a shameful state is that occasionally my labored stroll would be hastened to a painful trot by unwanted, bodily propulsion from behind, powering me forward uncontrollably, laying waste to all tourists and citizens of Bar Harbor who were unfortunate enough to venture into my wake.
PRO TIP #1: If you’re on a first date, or second date… or third date… or fourth date, for that matter… or fifth date… NEVER order, or allow your date to order, any dish that involves creamy or cheesy sauce… unless you want the remainder of your entire evening to be one, giant, filthy Dutch Oven.
Anyways, giving up dairy doesn’t mean you still can’t enjoy delicious, decadent alfredo sauce now and then. Thankfully, you can make sumptuous, creamy sauces out of nuts and veggies. Said sauces will leave you completely satisfied. As a bonus, you won’t spend the remainder of your weekend in quivering lump of toxic flatulence. Since adopting a vegan lifestyle, I’ve been making alfredo sauce from raw cashews for several years. For today’s recipe, we’re going to be making it from…
CAULIFLOWER!!!
In addition to being much cheaper than raw cashews, cauliflower is a great alternative because it allows you to sneak an extra serving or two of cruciferous veggies into your meal. Today, we’re going to be making creamy cauliflower garlic alfredo served with kale over whole grain angel hair pasta. Read on for the low-down…
What ya need:
- 1 head garlic
- ½ cup vegan parmesan cheese (see instructions below)
- ½ head cauliflower chopped up
- 1 medium yellow onion, diced
- 2 cloves minced garlic
- 1 cup almond milk
- ½ tsp salt
- ½ tsp pepper
- 8 oz uncooked pasta of your choice
- A modest heap of chopped up green veggie of your choice. I like kale or broccoli
What ya do:
Roast the head of garlic – Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Cut the very top off a head of garlic so that all of the cloves within are just exposed. Loosely wrap the head in foil, and drizzle just a bit of olive oil over the top of the garlic before closing the foil. Place directly on the oven rack and roast for about an hour.
Make the vegan parm – In a food processor, blend up ¾ cup raw cashews, 3 TBS nutritional yeast, ¾ tsp sea salt, and ¼ tsp garlic powder. This makes more than the ½ necessary for the sauce, so you’ll have extra to sprinkle on top of your finished pasta.
Make the alfredo sauce:
Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Add the half head of chopped up cauliflower and boil uncovered for about 10 minutes. Drain and add to a blender.
PRO TIP #2: If you drain your cauliflower over a second pot, you can then transfer that water back to the first pot and use again for boiling your pasta.
While the cauliflower is cooking, preheat a deep skillet on medium-high heat, add a modest splash of olive oil, and sauté the diced onion for about 10 minutes until translucent and slightly browned. Add the minced garlic, sauté for about 2 more minutes, and then add the mixture to the blender. Keep your sauté pan handy, as you’ll need it later.
Add the head of roasted garlic to the blender. The best way to do this is to squeeze the head from the bottom like a tube of toothpaste. The individually roasted cloves will literally ooze out… just like toothpaste. Just don’t brush your teeth with garlic paste. I mean, I suppose you could. But that would be stupid, pointless, and frankly a waste of time… and garlic. Don’t be a child.
Add the almond milk, salt, pepper, and vegan parmesan cheese to the blender, and puree the hell out of it until smooth and creamy, scraping down the sides of the blender, as necessary.
Dump the sauce into the previously used sauté pan and simmer on low heat for 5-10 minutes to heat and thicken it slightly. The sauce will already be warm from the boiled cauliflower, so you won’t need to use much heat.
Cook your pasta and veggies:
Prepare the pasta according to the directions on the box. The nice part about cooking a large pot of pasta is that you can add chopped veggies to your boiling water for added color and nutrition. For example, when your pasta has about 5 minutes left, add a small heap of chopped broccoli to the pot. Or, tear up several large stalks of kale and add it to the pot when there are about 2 minutes remaining. Once your pasta is al dente, drain thoroughly along with veggies in a large colander, and then dump the entire mixture into the pan with the alfredo sauce, mixing thoroughly to coat every millimeter of pasta with creamy goodness.
Serve up your pasta in deep bowls and top liberally with vegan parmesan cheese. I suggest adding a sprinkle of roasted red pepper as well, for an added kick. Be sure to take lots of pictures to post on Instagram… I’ve heard that everyone is doing it.
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